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Category Archives: experience

Never Alone….

Last night, I went to bed late feeling sad, confused and alone. I have two write ups to submit in school and i am as confused as a a young maiden with a lot of cute suitable suitors. I think i know what i wanna write about, in fact i have some articles i wanna review, but i just don’t know why i am so confused. is it the thought of failing those who belief in me? the face of my mum kept coming up in my mind, i cannot let her down she has sacrificed so much. *sigh* i could feel the pressure mounting up. I have done so well contributing in class so far, i know the fundamentals, then what is it? why do i feel so lost and empty? why do i feel so alone and backwards?

I remember my days as an undergraduate and how hard i tried. I read, analyzed, linked pieces together, wrote essays i think should get me excellent marks, but at the end i get marks far below my expectations. I get so mad, angry, weak. I know i am smart brilliant, so what is it? why couldn’t i breakthrough? have i been jinxed? It was so frustrating!

Then it hits me. I have been depending on me. Believing in my own strength and capability. I have totally ignored the one who has given me the wisdom, and ability to do all things. I have sidelined the Holy spirit, made Him nothing more than a back up. silly child me! How could i leave the one that could make my learning experience like a piece of cake and slave it out on my own with my short-sighted ego and understanding. I repented and the Holy spirit helped me.

I have been desperate for the past six months, seeking and praying to God for a break. and when it came, i have unconsciously slipped back to old familiar territories. In my mind, i think i am committing my ways to Him, but it is nothing more than words i whisper then i try to analyze thing on my own. Agitation has slowly crept in, fear of failure mocks me, my mind is heavily burdened. I feel alone, with all the lead in the world enough to drown me.

Then the words of a song ‘enough’ by Jeremy Camp playing on my system reminds me of what/who should be my satisfaction. Jesus. He should be more than enough for me. I listened to more songs, prayed and slept off.

This morning, i woke up to a message from a friend. she said she remembers a dance ministration of me back from University days anytime she listens to this song ‘Never alone’ by Barlow girls. She said it was pretty touching and kept ringing in her head and added “always remember that you touched someone with that ministration”.

My friend may not know but she was an instrument sent to me this morning. Although i had ministered in dance to others, i needed to be reminded of it. The message felt like a reassurance from God that i am not alone in this. He has said he would not leave me nor forsake me. He said i should trust in Him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding and He would direct my path. He promised that all who trust in him will not be put to shame. He has armed me with strength and made my way perfect. He has made me as sure footed as the deer enabling me to stand on mountains. Therefore with my complete trust in him no mountain can crush me. All i have to do is commit totally and not sideline Him.

We know these things, but then do we really know?


i am a geordie now… i think

*Blowing the dust off this blog* wow, its been more than a week I’ve written and it feels like a month already. missed it a lot. what have i been up to? moving out of Africa to become a ‘Geordie’ student 🙂

Lol, don’t be confused, Geordie  is the nickname given to residents of Newcastle. and since I’ll be here for at least a year i think i can refer to myself has a fake Geordie. I say fake ‘cos the Newcastle residents are called Geordie due to the fact that they are known to walk in the coldest temperature with little clothes on their back, but me, coming from the hottest continent in this planet i can like to keep my clothes on my back thank you.

These past few days i have been traveling, moving into school, registering and now I’m officially a masters student of Northumbria university, Newcastle, studying Health Science (management). I didn’t tell a lot of people before leaving, i apologize to you if i didn’t, i had to leave in a rush. so now i wanna talk about my experience so far.

its been five years since i traveled and to my surprise not much has change. still know how to do the seat belts, i still hate food served on the plane and i still love to watch the in-flight movies. To the airlines credit, each passenger is provided with mini monitors and can choose whatever we wanna watch from a wide range of movie selection to tv shows. i temporarily died an went to heaven ‘cos i had the opportunity to choose from thor, source code, pirates of the caribean 4, kung fu panda 2, fast five, something borrowed.chei at the point i was grinning from ear to ear, this was gonna be a wonderful flight i thought. A sucker for romance that i am, i chose something borrowed first, the later saw source code.

we arrived London on time, thank God for journey mercies and favor with the immigrations. since school is in Newcastle, had to take a 3hrs train up north, and as we drew closer, i started to shiver. Since the journey began, i had been indifferent to the whole thing, but nearing my destination, my heart started to pound so loud I’m sure people in the other coaches could hear. I have never been away from home alone all my life. went to a day secondary school, university of Lagos,even during service year i was going from home. so this is a new page in my life. Putting my faith in God, i know i will be alright, I’m not the first person to go abroad for masters.

Finally got to school, and my jaw dropped, it was huge, was really intimidating. i kept asking for direction and its either I’m given a map or I’m taken to the nearest stationed school map.I’m like duh, i can’t read  maps just point me to the direction thank you, but it seems they love reading maps. i didn’t do geography for petes sake! i was a literature student so i cant read maps. thankfully i met a Nigerian staylite student working at the student accommodations so he was very helpful. truth be told, i might sound very odd, but i really thought Nigerians didn’t know about this school ‘cos each time i told someone my school in Nigeria, they have this dumb look, so i was surprised but glad to see the few Nigerians i have met so far. Among the new students, I met a very fun yoruba guy, a very calculative igbo guy, a chickita igbo babe and a calculative igbo chick. I also met a hot Angolan chick and very reserved Kenyan. together we have formed our own version of African union, thanks to the yoruba guy who was so passionate about we Africans bonding. He pointed out the Asians bonding and doing stuffs together, well he was right. one thing about my school, is that it is filled with Asians. At a point i had to pause and check if i had landed in England or Asia, ‘cos they are in your face. they eat, cook, and go out together.

i have made so many Asians friends and as i make friends with them, i loose track of them ‘cos they are so much and my brain finds it had to store and process their names. met one in the kitchen the other day and it took me about five minutes to get his name was Jefferson. there’s another guy from Vietnam, I’m yet to get him name, maybe its fuu, or fur or fff, i have no idea, but i have made it a point of duty to get his name. i met an Indonesian chick by the name nana, very nice girl, plus i can remember her name and recognize her face. so basically the only friends i have now are Asians and Africans. when school starts proper, i will make it  a point of duty to have friends from all races.

Yesterday, the students’ union organized a welcome party  for international students, and it was hilarious. people from all corners of the world on the dance floor, each thinking they dance better than the other. Of cos as a 9ja chick, i thought they were hilarious with their wormy dance, fish dance, break dance (i mean what looked like a break dance), but i applauded them. my yoruba guy friend carried me suddenly and almost dropped me in the center of the dance floor, but sharp babe like me, i fought for my dear life, i wasn’t about to display skills. there was a magician there last night and HE was GOOD! his tricks were flawless, still thinking of how he did them, smooth.

After the party, the yoruba guy suggested we go out for Chinese, he was really enthusiastic about these new Chinese restaurant that is an all-you-can-eat buffet. since he got to Newcastle he had spent so much money on food, so discovering Chinese food, which is the closest to African food was like discovering a gold mine. And ‘cos he is all for African unity and really a very nice dude, wanted to share this gold rush with us. so off we went. the lot of us minus the igbo took about 20 min to get to the resturant and we girls were freezing. i literary jumped in for warmth. while we ate i was told that when chicks here stare at guys intensely, they are telling you they are available.and they can pay any amount to get the guys. i guess gigolo business will pay off ( just saying).

The walk back to school was short but it didn’t stop me from noticing the white chicks in their skinniest clothes. we black chicks were like amazed. with all our kacking up, we were shivering and a white chick is passing by with boob tube and micro mini skirt. I’m like “babe these chicks are cold-blooded and not warm-blooded” my biology teacher must have made a mistake to say we are all warm-blooded!

Today was less eventful. luckily, a redeem church sent a bus over to pick up students, so i joined in, and service was wonderful. most of the church population are students from the two universities in Newcastle so it was fun. later met up with a friend and she took me to an African store, so I’m gonna start cooking. i no fit waste money on junk. i have been converting food expenses to naira and it ain’t funny.

well that’s all i have been up to. my mum has been calling me like so often i have lost count. its difficult for her, we have never been apart for more than 3 weeks (which was NYSC camp). she came with me to Newcastle, went shopping with me and helped me settle in. she left early yesterday and has not stopped calling. we are still adjusting to the separation.

tomorrow is another day. now the real chronicles of da naive is just beginning. i know i will have lots to talk about. right now im tired and hungry. still have alot to write  but that will be for later times.