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Monthly Archives: September 2011

labyrinth


 

 

Does love have to hurt?

Does one have to go through heart ache?

Is pain the assurance of love?

Does my heart have to bleed?

Does it have to feel like its been ground and matched on like foot bridge?

Are tears the water in which love swims, floats or is it drown?

Where is the running in the meadow or smelling of flowers?

Where is the sharing of an umbrella in the rain with the one you love?

Where is the exchange of sweet whispers and sweet nothings into the middle of the night?

Where is the gazing into the eyes of the one you love?

Where is the silent words spoken with the eyes that only lovers understand?

I wonder if love is a myth, an old wives’ tale

I wonder if there is another dimension to this …. Can it even be classified?

I wonder if I will ever pass this test ‘cos I fail it all too well

Are there lessons to be taken before embarking on the journey called love?

Are there road maps to avoid dead ends?

Can someone, anybody show me the way out?

I’m drowning and falling under. My throat is patched from screaming…

I guess everyone is busy trying to figure out their love path

Will I ever figure mine out?

Or am I destined to be lost, in this labyrinth called love?

 

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what da?….its d alarm!


I am soooooo pissed right now if i see any of these student managers that are students I’ll so punch ’em. it was after 3 am this morning i was still thinking in my subconscious that my room was cold probably the heater doesn’t work, and  i was gonna report this to the hostel managers the next day when all of a sudden out of the blues, the fire alarm went off! at first i was wondering who was making that loud noise then i remembered the induction the other day about fire alarms going off when smoke was detected. omo see panic attack. i thought oh no this was my first year in the university all again! i scrambled out of the room with only my pjays, then ran in to take a slippers went out saw my neighbor locking his room, ran in back to get my keys then i saw my jacket and  i grabbed that too. all the while i was shaking cos my room is on the last floor!

Finally got the keys to work and i ran downstairs, to find senior students asking us freshers to move to the car park. we were all confused a bunch ‘cos we didn’t see any fire. some freshers had gone out partying and were drunk, some ran out in underpants, others no slippers it was a frenzy in the freaking cold! thank God i grabbed a jacket.

We stood outside for like 20 mins plus, not understanding what was going on, when two fire fighters truck rolled in. stood there another 5mins then they asked us to go back in welcoming us to first year! i wanted to punch that dude, seriously? that was a welcome?? what happened to parties and retreats?? that’s a welcome, not scaring the beeep out of me and freezing me up in the cold! with thoughts going through my mind.

funny but not so funny, in my first year in the university, my room was really on fire. one of my roommate had used candle to read on the table near the window. i warned her about it, but she forgot and slept off. i felt the room warm up and i was like “mehn this room is so hot tonight wetin dey?” when all of a sudden i heard faint shouts of fire but i dint really take not, then the room became soo hot i woke up lo and behold the whole window was on fire! the candle had caught the end of the curtains and spread rapidly up, burning the net and everything near the window. omo if u see adrenaline in action. woke my two roommates up. thankfully, two of us had fetched buckets of water down the previous night, so we just kicked into action pouring water on it not giving a care for the rug on the floor. the porters came in and one of ’em pulled the curtain down and the fire was doused.

It was God at work in our lives that night ‘cos we had locked ourselves in the room, and during the period the fire was on, NEPA did not decide to restore power.

Now thats some freshman fire scare! they can like to leave me out of these drills thank you, or fix it for day time, when my nerves can take it.

i am a geordie now… i think


*Blowing the dust off this blog* wow, its been more than a week I’ve written and it feels like a month already. missed it a lot. what have i been up to? moving out of Africa to become a ‘Geordie’ student 🙂

Lol, don’t be confused, Geordie  is the nickname given to residents of Newcastle. and since I’ll be here for at least a year i think i can refer to myself has a fake Geordie. I say fake ‘cos the Newcastle residents are called Geordie due to the fact that they are known to walk in the coldest temperature with little clothes on their back, but me, coming from the hottest continent in this planet i can like to keep my clothes on my back thank you.

These past few days i have been traveling, moving into school, registering and now I’m officially a masters student of Northumbria university, Newcastle, studying Health Science (management). I didn’t tell a lot of people before leaving, i apologize to you if i didn’t, i had to leave in a rush. so now i wanna talk about my experience so far.

its been five years since i traveled and to my surprise not much has change. still know how to do the seat belts, i still hate food served on the plane and i still love to watch the in-flight movies. To the airlines credit, each passenger is provided with mini monitors and can choose whatever we wanna watch from a wide range of movie selection to tv shows. i temporarily died an went to heaven ‘cos i had the opportunity to choose from thor, source code, pirates of the caribean 4, kung fu panda 2, fast five, something borrowed.chei at the point i was grinning from ear to ear, this was gonna be a wonderful flight i thought. A sucker for romance that i am, i chose something borrowed first, the later saw source code.

we arrived London on time, thank God for journey mercies and favor with the immigrations. since school is in Newcastle, had to take a 3hrs train up north, and as we drew closer, i started to shiver. Since the journey began, i had been indifferent to the whole thing, but nearing my destination, my heart started to pound so loud I’m sure people in the other coaches could hear. I have never been away from home alone all my life. went to a day secondary school, university of Lagos,even during service year i was going from home. so this is a new page in my life. Putting my faith in God, i know i will be alright, I’m not the first person to go abroad for masters.

Finally got to school, and my jaw dropped, it was huge, was really intimidating. i kept asking for direction and its either I’m given a map or I’m taken to the nearest stationed school map.I’m like duh, i can’t read  maps just point me to the direction thank you, but it seems they love reading maps. i didn’t do geography for petes sake! i was a literature student so i cant read maps. thankfully i met a Nigerian staylite student working at the student accommodations so he was very helpful. truth be told, i might sound very odd, but i really thought Nigerians didn’t know about this school ‘cos each time i told someone my school in Nigeria, they have this dumb look, so i was surprised but glad to see the few Nigerians i have met so far. Among the new students, I met a very fun yoruba guy, a very calculative igbo guy, a chickita igbo babe and a calculative igbo chick. I also met a hot Angolan chick and very reserved Kenyan. together we have formed our own version of African union, thanks to the yoruba guy who was so passionate about we Africans bonding. He pointed out the Asians bonding and doing stuffs together, well he was right. one thing about my school, is that it is filled with Asians. At a point i had to pause and check if i had landed in England or Asia, ‘cos they are in your face. they eat, cook, and go out together.

i have made so many Asians friends and as i make friends with them, i loose track of them ‘cos they are so much and my brain finds it had to store and process their names. met one in the kitchen the other day and it took me about five minutes to get his name was Jefferson. there’s another guy from Vietnam, I’m yet to get him name, maybe its fuu, or fur or fff, i have no idea, but i have made it a point of duty to get his name. i met an Indonesian chick by the name nana, very nice girl, plus i can remember her name and recognize her face. so basically the only friends i have now are Asians and Africans. when school starts proper, i will make it  a point of duty to have friends from all races.

Yesterday, the students’ union organized a welcome party  for international students, and it was hilarious. people from all corners of the world on the dance floor, each thinking they dance better than the other. Of cos as a 9ja chick, i thought they were hilarious with their wormy dance, fish dance, break dance (i mean what looked like a break dance), but i applauded them. my yoruba guy friend carried me suddenly and almost dropped me in the center of the dance floor, but sharp babe like me, i fought for my dear life, i wasn’t about to display skills. there was a magician there last night and HE was GOOD! his tricks were flawless, still thinking of how he did them, smooth.

After the party, the yoruba guy suggested we go out for Chinese, he was really enthusiastic about these new Chinese restaurant that is an all-you-can-eat buffet. since he got to Newcastle he had spent so much money on food, so discovering Chinese food, which is the closest to African food was like discovering a gold mine. And ‘cos he is all for African unity and really a very nice dude, wanted to share this gold rush with us. so off we went. the lot of us minus the igbo guy.it took about 20 min to get to the resturant and we girls were freezing. i literary jumped in for warmth. while we ate i was told that when chicks here stare at guys intensely, they are telling you they are available.and they can pay any amount to get the guys. i guess gigolo business will pay off ( just saying).

The walk back to school was short but it didn’t stop me from noticing the white chicks in their skinniest clothes. we black chicks were like amazed. with all our kacking up, we were shivering and a white chick is passing by with boob tube and micro mini skirt. I’m like “babe these chicks are cold-blooded and not warm-blooded” my biology teacher must have made a mistake to say we are all warm-blooded!

Today was less eventful. luckily, a redeem church sent a bus over to pick up students, so i joined in, and service was wonderful. most of the church population are students from the two universities in Newcastle so it was fun. later met up with a friend and she took me to an African store, so I’m gonna start cooking. i no fit waste money on junk. i have been converting food expenses to naira and it ain’t funny.

well that’s all i have been up to. my mum has been calling me like so often i have lost count. its difficult for her, we have never been apart for more than 3 weeks (which was NYSC camp). she came with me to Newcastle, went shopping with me and helped me settle in. she left early yesterday and has not stopped calling. we are still adjusting to the separation.

tomorrow is another day. now the real chronicles of da naive is just beginning. i know i will have lots to talk about. right now im tired and hungry. still have alot to write  but that will be for later times.

love and lyrics


Ever had the feeling that the lyrics to a song was talking about you? Like the writer had taken a peek into you life Ąπϑ written words that expressed your feelings, situation, emotions Ąπϑ life? That’s exactly how i felt when i saw Adele perform ‘set fire to the rain’ from her album ’21’ on stage, i had to download the song immediately Ąπϑ it became my song for many weeks. As if fate wanted to have my whole Love life retold to me, it brought my friend T over to my house on sunday and on her phone was the whole ’21’ album.

Listening to the songs that night, memories Ąπϑ feelings i thought i had dealt with perfectly came rushing back. Each song tells a story about my little love life experiences. One would think Adele had a private conversation with me in a world invisible to peering eyes. Now armed with lyrics from ’21’,i’m gonna describe distant lands my heart had been to, some i wanna visit again others I’m not so eager to.

Set fire to the rain:

This song took me back to the first time i allowed my heart to fall. i was young, naïve Ąπϑ very gullible. i had a puppy love before it, but this particular one marked my entrance into the world of sleepless night due to ‘ love’. i had guarded my heart Ąπϑ kept it from been crushed but as soon has i decided to let it fall, bloke 1 came to the rescue. He caught it Ąπϑ said it was safe. My arms were strong, i thought i had a strong grip on his love Ąπϑ could handle myself with him but i found out later that my knees were far too weak, they couldn’t help me stand my ground, as i allowed him walk me over. He played the game well, made me trust him. i believed he was the perfect one. With the two of us, nothing could be better.

Soon i found out he had caught another heart. i didn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. i was the leading lady in his life. As the director, he called out ‘scene’ Ąπϑ our movie ended. i had to let it burn but his name kept screaming out through the flames.

Someone like you:

“I heard
That you’re settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you’re
Married now
I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn’t give to you
Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain’t like you to hold back
Or hide from the light
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over
Never mind
I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I begged
I remember, you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah”….

Ok, i just had to write some part of the lyrics to this song. *sigh* compared to the scenario painted in this song my Bloke 2 didn’t get married to another chick or is yet to be. That doesn’t stop the hurt right?. You been left for another chick. Most especially if you were looking forward to having a relationship with him. Well we had one – friendship. But i wanted more. i felt i was the right one for him as he was for me. We were good friends, shared the same kinda jokes, watched the same kinda stuff, loved to read… He also went out of his way to do things for me. Asked questions that insinuated he was as interested as i was. i was so sure he would soon make it official. Until one day, he asked how another chick felt about him Ąπϑ told me how he was planning to date her. The love i had for him turned into hate in split seconds, it was as if i had just received an invisible slap. For long i distanced myself from him, didn’t talk to him. It took the grace of God Ąπϑ the little dignity i had left to confront him about my feelings. He said he had wanted to take our friendship a step further but something kept holding him Ąπϑ then he found her. We made our peace Ąπϑ now we are friends again but sometimes, i wonder what did he see in her that i didn’t have?… *shrug*. I concluded it was never meant to be or he would be mine instead.

Take it all:

“Didn’t I give it all?
Tried my best
Gave you everything I had
Everything and no less
Didn’t I do it right
Did I let you down
Maybe you got too used to
By having me around
Still how can you walk away
From all my tears.
It’s gonna be an empty road
Without me right here
But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all
With my love
Take it all
With my love
Maybe I should leave
To have you see
Nothing is better than this
And this is everything we need
So is it over?
Is this really you’ve given up so easily?
I thought you loved me more than this
I would change if I must
Slow it down and bring it home
I will adjust.
Oh if only, if only you knew
Everything I do
Is for you”

i usually don’t fall for guys i meet through someone ‘cos i get bored by them with their automated questions. But this one was different. bloke 3 that is. We connected immediately. It surprised me. One would think with my previous experience i would be careful to go in with my head first. Well i thought i did, but eventually i found out it was my heart, Ąπϑ i paid dearly for that. We got close, he said he had never dated a ‘good girl’ before Ąπϑ was afraid he would harm me. i felt pity for him. Naïve girl, decided to show him that it was not hard to date a girl like me. Gave everything i had. Opened myself to him. But then i guess he felt that was too much. He changed towards me Ąπϑ i became a crumbling fool. Thought if i gave him space he would see the loving he would miss. But he cared less. i had to pick the pieces Ąπϑ move one.

One Ąπϑ only:

Bloke 4. Well he would have made 2 if circumstances Ąπϑ things didn’t prevent it. i have known him for years, i liked him Ąπϑ he me. We lost contact a lot but one way or the other we find each other again. The last time we connected we made sure we didn’t lose ourselves. We talked about everything Ąπϑ anything. Became good friends. But we both know we wanted more. He said so, but something was holding him back. His past. The years we spent apart saw him through major heart aches that has made it hard for him to open up freely.

He became a constant thought but i had my doubts. What if he turns out to be like the previous ones? Will i be able to bear the hurt? does he think of me? In the words of adele “Have I been on your mind? You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time at the mention of my name, will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me which ever road I chose you’ll go?”
But it was still hard for M̶̲̥̅Ƹ to get through to him. i know it is not easy giving up his heart
Nobody’s perfect. So i said words that resembled those of Adele written below to him:

“I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I’m worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove I’m the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come and give me the chance
To prove that I’m the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.”

The next song shows how it all ended

He won’t go:

I didn’t tell too many people about bloke 4 but the few people that knew about him thought i was wasting my time Ąπϑ emotions on a hard rock Ąπϑ wanted me to move on. They couldn’t see what i saw. Sometimes i felt that way too. We even went our separate ways. But He just wouldn’t go Ąπϑ i realised that i wouldn’t too. So we decided to try make it work. i realised we were both holding on to our past Ąπϑ were blinded by it. So now we are willing to take the risk.

To round off this rather long purging of mine, i leave here with the closing words of this last song

“So I won’t go
He can’t do it on his own
If this ain’t love, then what is?
We’re willing to take the risk

Cause he won’t go
He can’t do it on his own
If this ain’t love, then what is?
We’re willing to take the risk

I won’t go
I can’t do it on my own
If this ain’t love, then what is?
I’m willing to take the risk”